Wednesday, November 26, 2008

My hole.................

It's that time again. Time for me to find my hole. I usually do it about every six months. Usually April and Oct. This year I passed on my solo trip and took my boy to disneyland with the family. Not really solo time. Actually there wasn't any solo time. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I haven't even been back a month. BLAH.

So, tonight I start looking for a warmer destination to maybe take a solo trip a quick one.

Someone Shake my world please

All of a sudden I feel distant from the people that matter to me. Not that they are pulling away, but I am. I am doing subconciously. I don't know why I am doing it. I don't want to do it, How can I stop myself? Its like something inside me is dying. Like that rose on Beauty and the Beast, how it just slowly wilts, and the petals fall. Just a slow gradual death. Hmmm... Wonder what that's about?

Maybe its the holidays? My hormones? My grief? My family? My friends? My job? My boyfriend (do I even call him that)? Who am I? Where do I belong?

I want change. Instead of taking my solo 6 month trip this year I went with family to Disneyland. And that was good times. But I missed out on the me time. The time that I take to connect with me. Find myself again. Breathe again.

I need that. I'm feeling so cluttered. My whole life, it's like I just want to shake my world.