Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Who is stronger?

A friend of mine recently wrote a blog about where the line gets drawn. And it got me thinking about a conversation I had with a friend of mine. We were discussing my being widowed, and his mother being widowed when he was just a boy of 9.

He talked to his mother later that night. He said he wanted to thank her for all the sacrafices she made for him. She asked what brought that on, and he told her about me. She went on to tell him, that he can learn a lot from me and the strength and courage I have. She told him how strong I was to have my husband murdered and then continue to raise him on my own.

You see, when her husband died, she remarried within a year. She remarried quickly to have someone to take care of him, to provide for her son. Her new husband turned out to be very abusive. But she stayed with him through the years. Staying with him through the physical emotional, and verbal abuse. All the while doing it for her son. She had no other way to provide for him. (mind you this was a LONG time ago) She endured this for her boy.

So she says I'm the strong one. She says that I have the courage to go down this road alone. That I am doing what it takes to take care of an autistic child without turning to a man to provide for me.

I said she must be stronger than I to have stayed and endured so much abuse for so long. It really wasn't an option for me to not introduce my son to the men I have in my life. He has social anxiety. Meeting new people is very scarey for him. And since he witnessed his dad's murder, he has a hard time being around men. It takes him months to warm up to the point of talking to them. So why would I put my child through that......

She sees so much strength in me for not turning to a man. And i see so much strength in her for suffering for so long so that her child could be taken care of.

Even though we both only see ourselves as doing what is best for our child, we both see ourselves as the weaker person. Me because I wouldn't have to strugle as I do financially if I found someone to take care of us. Because I run from my grief. Because I have self destructing habits. (none of which my child witnesses) Her because, she thinks she took the easy way out. Finding the first person willing to take them both in.

Its really just the way you look at it. How you percieve things... It matters not what anyone else thinks or says or praises or criticizes you on. What matters is that at the end of the day you feel good about what you are doing for yourself, for the ones you love, you are doing whats best in your life..... Not necessarily what's best in someone elses life.....

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

What I'm taking from this as the most the very end. What matters is what you are doing in YOUR life....not if it's okay, or not in anyone else's mind or heart--but yours. And sometimes judgemental people make it hard to see that it really is okay to do things that make you happy. Maybe I'm rambling--I'm a little tired--but I like this--and I agree. the end.