What I'm supposed to be doing.....

Remember when you were a child and your mother would catch you doing something bad. Not really bad but not great either, like peaking under the bathroom stall, or touching something you were told not to, stuff like that, and your mother would say "Are you supposed to be doing that?" To which you would sheepishly reply, "no".

Well here it is, the night before a court hearing. I'm supposed to have picked out what I would be wearing. Something with the color red because all the "experts" say wearing red makes you feel more confident. I should have my shoes picked out, and what pants I'm gonna wear. I should have had my shower by now, so tomorrow morning I would only have to worry about styling my hair. I should be sleeping soundly so I won't show up looking tired, exhausted, drained, emotionally spent.

Am I supposed to be up blogging? "no". But so many things are running through my head. What will the judge say? Will he grant another evaluation? Will he say there have been enough already? Will the charges get put on hold? Will the attorney General agree to commit him civilly? Will immigration come in and deport him back to Mexico where he can drink beer on the beach? Will he look in my eyes again? Will he show me his cocky little smirk?

Well, I'm going to worry about what I'll wear tomorrow, I'll shower before I go, pull my hair into a wet bun, no make up as that will all get cried off anyway, drink lots and lots of coffee, breathe, and hand the rest over to the universe. That's all I can do right?

I long for the day that this is over. I want to visit my husbands grave in Mexico, but when I do I want to be able to tell him that the SOB has been put away. Justice been served. His death avenged. Because that is what is supposed to happen right? Our justice system is supposed to punish wrong doers.

How can I be mad at the justice system for not doing what it is supposed to be doing, when I myself am not either...........