Tuesday, September 23, 2008

A whole herd of Camels....

I think I mentioned previously that I am working out twice a day. I go in an hour before work, get my cardio on, change into my uniform, work my 8 hour graveyeard shift, changeback into my gym clothes, and then work on strength training usually for 45 minutes + or - 15 minutes or so. (Really that depends on how chatty we get with the oncoming shift.)

Ok the point to that was to establish that I do not dress in my uniform before I walk out of the house. My routine, before I leave goes something like this...

  • "Logan, get your socks and shoes on."
  • Water bottle - check
  • Hair tie - check
  • "Logan, are you putting your socks and shoes on?"
  • IPOD - check
  • Work pants - check
  • White undershirt - check
  • Uniform shirt -check
  • "Logan, Mommy's serious! I NEED you to put your socks and shoes on!"
  • Belt - check
  • Badge - check
  • (new puppy chasing behind me everywhere I go biting my ankles) UGH!
  • purse -check

So, once everything is all gathered and in one spot, I put my sons socks and shoes on him, cause he never did... Dirty rotten little....Grumble.... grumble.... We have a fight cause he's not ready to go, he needs to finish watching George of the Jungle, which by the way is a rerun... I know because we've seen it a million times. More grumbles.....

Fast forward to workout. I'm not too happy with it, cause I had a bit of a meltdown. Something to do with married guy, (but this blog is not about him). Before I know it, I have to wipe my tears and barely have time to run in and get changed into my uniform.

This is where disaster strikes. Yes I brought everything.... BUT I grabbed the wrong pair of pants.... The pants I grabbed were from the days back, when I weighed 45 pounds less than what I do now.... How could this be happening....???? I don't even have a bed to lie down on to try and button them up.... What am I supposed to do? I'm supposed to be at my station in 10 minutes!

OK... I can do this.... I button the bottom button... (there are only 4 buttons, no zipper, dangerous situation I know!) Oh, that bottom button is not happy with all the weight litteraly pressing down on her.

Second to last button - SUCK IT IN BABY!!! ok... second to last button is code 4. (cop talk for everything is ok) I can seriously feel the relief the last button felt. However this is not over yet.

Third to last button - Ok, really I don't know how I got this button, I vaugely remember some hopping up and down, leg wiggling, praying to great heavens, and oh there were definate grunts.

Now with 3 buttons down, the last one is an ABSOLUTE no go. And did I mention that there is absolutely no way in HELL that I would be able to tuck in not just one shirt, but 2. HA!

But wait there is a VERY uncomfortable feeling coming from my crotch. These pants are so tight, I believe I have a camel toe. Could it be? I slowly slide my hand down the front of my pants, and YEP (now I've never actually felt a real camels toe, so I don't have anything solid to compare it to) There was a camel with his TOES IN MY PANTS!

Oh, no... Not done. The pants were so tight, that I had a camel toe up my ass. Bobbi, (my trainer/friend mind you) points out that I have a whole heard of camels in my pants....

So now I'm at work, with pants so tight that the slightest bend at the waist and I am sure there will be buttons flying around hitting people in the eyes. First of which I wanted it to be Bobbi for laughing so hard at me....

So, I come into my little cubicle, take the pants off, and here I sit in my gym pants.... Tomorrow I will have to put them on again when I leave the office.... To walk out in.....

From now on I will be doing a test run of my uniform BEFORE I leave the house!

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

Camels? Those are the SEXIEST animals i've ever seen!
Keep working hard..and soon the zoo will be out of your clothes. lol