Ok.... Here comes the blog about my current emotional heartache about loving someone that I absolutely have no business loving.....
I know full well that this is a dead end relationship.... I absolutely know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that this is not going to be my "happy ever after".... I know this.... I 100% believe that this is not going to end with bird seed being thrown, as we run down the makeshift runway of friends and family, into a waiting stretch limo, with "just married" written on the back window. Hell, we're not even talking about a jeans and Tshirt moment at the justice of the peace.....
This is one of those horrible mazes with no exit..... You go in thinking there will be one... But once you are good and lost in this maze, you realize that the only way out is the way you came in. Except now you're too far in to remember your way out.
It's not a scary maze. There's no freakish clowns jumping out to scare you.... No distant sounds of chain saws.... You feel safe in these walls.... you know these walls..... You've laughed and cried, and loved in these walls.
I don't necessarily want out right away, I enjoy a good challenge, I know if I keep at it I will find my way out on my own, and I will be a stronger person for knowing I did it on my own. I've learned a lot about myself in this maze. I've grown in ways I never thought possible. I've faced fears I hadn't realized were there. I know I deserve a maze with an exit. But I'm in love with this maze.
So what does one do when one is faced with something like this.....?
I'm lost....
I know full well that this is a dead end relationship.... I absolutely know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that this is not going to be my "happy ever after".... I know this.... I 100% believe that this is not going to end with bird seed being thrown, as we run down the makeshift runway of friends and family, into a waiting stretch limo, with "just married" written on the back window. Hell, we're not even talking about a jeans and Tshirt moment at the justice of the peace.....
This is one of those horrible mazes with no exit..... You go in thinking there will be one... But once you are good and lost in this maze, you realize that the only way out is the way you came in. Except now you're too far in to remember your way out.
It's not a scary maze. There's no freakish clowns jumping out to scare you.... No distant sounds of chain saws.... You feel safe in these walls.... you know these walls..... You've laughed and cried, and loved in these walls.
I don't necessarily want out right away, I enjoy a good challenge, I know if I keep at it I will find my way out on my own, and I will be a stronger person for knowing I did it on my own. I've learned a lot about myself in this maze. I've grown in ways I never thought possible. I've faced fears I hadn't realized were there. I know I deserve a maze with an exit. But I'm in love with this maze.
So what does one do when one is faced with something like this.....?
I'm lost....
1 comment:
Like I have any room to comment...but I believe that either you'll wander in this maze for so long that you starve to death...or perhaps someone will appear in time to take your hand and guide you out. Hopefully you'll take their hand when it's offered.
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